If It's Rainy and Gray, Have Ila Come Brighten Up Your Day!

Ha, I had some time this morning on my walk to work to think of that one. I'm impressed, I don't know how you all feel...ha. But really, this weekend was great, I really needed it. Ila came in on Thursday afternoon and although the weather this weekend has been consistent with the past few weeks, cold and rainy, we went for a walk through Sarajevo, umbrellas in hand, and talked and talked. She was in such good spirits and ready to go right off of the plane. Unfortunately there's not a whole not to do in Sarajevo and even less when your tour guide can't communicate with anyone for you, but I had a good time showing her my routine and my favorite spots (actually, I realized yesterday, her last day, that I never took her to my favorite place in Sarajevo which is a tree-shaded walk next to the river that I walk on my way to the Pidros but it hasn't been too pretty lately with the gray weather). That night we planned to go out and explore the Sarajevo night life but when we went back to my apartment to get ready we ended up just staying in and talking the whole night. Poor Ila, I definitely took advantage of her company and babbled away, but it was so great to have such a good friend here to discuss everything I've been seeing and feeling, and also to show her my new life! We spent Friday walking around Sarajevo more, my moment of pride was when I could take her, a History major, to the spot where Franz Ferdinand was shot and WWI started. That night we went to Fojnica and spent Saturday and Sunday there. I got to take her to my old stomping grounds and introduce her to everyone there. Also on Saturday we went for a nice walk around Fojnica and went up to the monastery to check out the museum and the work I had done a few years ago in the library. It was great to show her something that was so important to me but it was hard for me to see that things had changed. I mean, I guess that's selfish because they have changed for the better and it is really impressive what they had done, but it wasn't the warm familiar place that it had been for me the other summers and there weren't the same monks and it felt like a strange place. I think that is how I am feeling about Fojnica in general. I am so used to having to be this special place for me, this place that I get to experience for a month and a half in the summer and I know that I feel great there but now it's part of my everyday life and it's no longer a vacation. I mentioned earlier when I went for the wedding that it was strange for me that things had changed there even though the buildings look great, I felt detached from the Fojnica that I knew. Anyway, we spent the next two days in Fojnica, getting coffee and doing my normal Fojnica weekend activities.

I felt that the weekend was very representational of my life right now and we talked about how it was good timing for both of us: a nice break in her travels, a time to relax and take off a bit of the pressure of traveling, and it was a good time for me after living here for a month and a half to have someone from home to share it with and listen to all of my thoughts and experiences. It was a really good time, and as you can see, I took advantage of her company to take some pictures in Sarajevo and Fojnica. It was also great because Ila was so easy going and was happy to anything and everything, so it took the pressure off of hosting and just allowed us to enjoy our time together and soak up every minute! We did talk about at the end how it's strange because we've become used to saying good-bye to each other at the end of the school year or the summer and we know that we'll see each other again, so when we did that in August it was normal and we knew that Ila had a trip planned to Europe so it wasn't so definite, but now we are growing up and that means that we are going in two different directions and who knows when we'll see each other again! Luckily we are both good and keeping in touch and we'll make an effort even if it ends up being a year or more.

It's a shame that it's been raining on and off for the past couple weeks because the leaves are really gorgeous. We saw that when we were in Fojnica, and the mist over the mountains as well, but it was hard to capture in pictures. Fall here seems to be like spring in Boston, cold and wet, but nevertheless I am enjoying the beauty of it all. Pretty soon it will be so cold and in the middle of winter so I'll take what I can get now, although I am excited for snow too. I turned on my heat in my apartment last night, although I guess I'm confused if I should keep it on all the time or just when I'm home. I'm so used to thermostats, but I have a very, ahem, interesting space heater in my bedroom, so that's been doing a good job of keeping me warm even if it has an orange glow that makes the room look like it's on fire.

I finally signed up for Bosnian classes! It only took, how long? It's with a different school than I was originally signed up with but I'm really looking forward to it. The first class was actually last Thursday so I missed it, but I'll go tonight and it shouldn't be too big of a deal. It's not quite as long, only a month or so, but it will be good to learn something and I believe that this institute, a school connected with the Soros Foundation, has other options after I finish this course. I'm a little nervous to start late, those of you who know me from school know I hate missing class, but the person who registered me assured me it was no big deal to miss the first class.

Work has been going well. I was supposed to have yesterday off because it was Ila's last day but then one of my bosses asked me to come in because there was a meeting and then asked me to come in even earlier because there was another meeting, so it was a little frustrating that the day that I was responsible for getting Ila to the airport was the busiest day of work so far, but it was actually very interesting and everything worked out well. I believe I will be spending most of my time looking for grants to make our projects actually happen, but I feel like I am getting a better grip on what we are doing and our goals. The meeting in the afternoon was a talk with students from American University in DC who were here with a conflict resolution program, it seemed like a similar program to what I did last fall but they were just focusing on the former Yugoslavia and were only traveling for three weeks. Some of them were pretty impressive (although I couldn't help but agree when Caleb pointed out that they looked like a young republican group with all of their blazers, etc. ha), but the part that cracked me up was when one of the girls was talking with another girl at the end as they were leaving and she was complaining that she was missing her favorite rapper back in the States. Different priorities I guess...haha. Now we are practicing for a presentation that we are to give to a representative to of the European Commission on Friday. I will be speaking so I've been practicing my bit and hopefully today at the run-through everything will go well!

Updates, updates!

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted but not much has changed in my day to day life, so there wasn't an urgent need to share a story. Things have been good though. I'm still getting adjusted to live here and still struggling with my inability to communicate, but I am getting the hang of my daily routine and am thoroughly enjoying living in Bosnia.

I had signed up for language classes from a school that was recommended to me by the other American intern at Gariwo, Caleb, and they were supposed to begin last week but unfortunately some of the people dropped out so there weren't enough people for the class so it was canceled. Currently I'm looking into possibly taking private lessons or there is another group that might start soon so I am waiting to hear more about that. The place has been so helpful and it totally has not been their fault but I am frustrated that I am still unable to say the simplest of things.

Although that hasn't kept me from doing things. I still go grocery shopping and to the bakery (and simply point and say "molim?" which means please so show which bread I'd like) and have even paid my bills by myself. Ha, it's the little victories...

In one way I remind myself that it's only been a month and other times I'm embarrassed that I've been here a month and still can't communicate. But I think that's just how I've been feeling about living here in general. Sometimes I am so so happy and could just walk for hours and hours through Sarajevo and just soak it all in and other times, I am frustrated with myself and my situation. It's all part of the process and it's the beginning so I knew that this would be the toughest.

Sunday was the election and so now I'm spending time trying to figure out what the results mean and what's in store for Bosnia. There was a lot of propaganda before the elections but it was lost on my (again, have no idea what is being said) but the system is also complicated so it takes a bit more research for me to understand what the results entail. Both the Croatian and Bosniak elected president are more moderate but the Serbian is part of the party that has talked about seceding from BiH, so of course that just continues the difficulty of the three presidents working together. Also, Caleb was explaining to me yesterday that the moderate Croat elected president is not necessarily supported by Bosnian Croatians, but rather was elected by Bosniak votes which upsets some Croatians because they feel he's not a representation of them. Phew! Ha, I'm sure as I learn more it will become more confusing because nothing is as it seems.

I can't predict how the fall is going to be here. So far it's been cold and rainy and the next day is sunny and pleasant. Basically, I'm back in Boston. Of course it rained today because I did my laundry and it's hanging on my balcony to dry, so I'm hoping the sun comes out later today. This past weekend was really nice, I spent it in Fojnica, and I'm hoping that the weather will shape up at least by next weekend.

In two weeks Ila, a friend from Boston, will come visit me for the weekend. She's taking a European tour to see some friends and it will be so nice to have her here for a bit! I told her I'll do an Ila Visit post, so maybe I'll take advantage of her company and take some more pictures while she's here and put them up! I still haven't really shared what Sarajevo looks like, just my view from my walk to work.

Speaking of work, it's been going well. I don't have too much to do but I have written some articles for the website (the Bosnian one, and one of my coworkers translates it for me) and I've gotten some really nice feedback so that's good. Hopefully once the fall begins I'll have a bit more to do on the day to day basis but in the meantime I'm taking advantage of this time to do research and just get a better feel and understanding for Bosnia's current position. Although, a lot of that, I am learning just from talking to people (hence why communication would be so great!). The catch is that everyone has a different opinion, which makes for an interesting collection of thoughts but is hard to get the actual facts, but maybe that's the point. My optimism is wavering a bit, especially when I talk to people and they accept the status quo and think I'm a naive American for thinking that things can change. I'm learning that I have to find my own position here and I completely respect that I am an outsider and will always be a foreigner and will never be able to understand certain aspects, but it's hard to communicate that to people and at the same time explain that I believe that things can change in Bosnia and that it's up to the people of my generation to change it. It's also hard because some people joke with me and say, oh thank you for coming to my country to help, teasing me and also acknowledging the immense number of organizations that are here with international aid or other NGOs, but I want to say, I'm not here to pity or sympathize, I really just love it here and am happy when I'm here! It's because of me that I moved here.

Ha, so I guess although I am still struggling to verbally communicate with people in Bosnian (or Croatian or Serbian...) I am having an interesting inner dialogue the whole time.