Back in the U.S., Back in the U.S., Back in the U.S.S....A?

Well, my desire for snow and wintery weather has been denied by Bosnia. Actually it's been quite warm here making it very enjoyable for walks during the day but also at night! Pretty surprising for Dec. 8th, especially considering I heard there was snow in October last year. I'm sure there will be plenty of cold weather ahead so I'm taking advantage of this weather while it lasts. Of course it's supposed to snow tomorrow right in time for my departure on Friday, so let's hope that holds out for a while.

Speaking of my departure, I am USA bound on Friday. I can't believe it's here already! I feel like I just bought my ticket. Time flies. I will be spending my first weekend in Boston, then traveling to Chicago for a few days then settling in for the holidays in Toledo. I'm really looking forward to it. I need a break, I need a little time to recuperate and recharge my batteries and get some energy to come back. But, I'm also looking forward to coming back. Things are going well here. I feel more able to move around but also just more comfortable. I stopped by the Pidros' last night and it was so nice to see them and catch up a bit. I've also made some friends and am having more of a social life so you know, slowly things are coming together. Which really makes sense because everything in Bosnia moves slowly (except the drivers!).

No real updates besides that. I guess I'll have a little hiatus while I'm stateside but I'll be sure to blog when I get back, especially since I'm spending my first New Years abroad! I guess it makes sense that I'll feel really comfortable right before leaving but hopefully that'll just make me want to come back that much more! I am, however, really looking forward to seeing everyone back home and catching up and spending Christmas in Waterville. Fingers crossed all traveling goes well (and I still have to decide if I want to get the body scan or the pat down, sounds like a lose/lose to me...)

Volim Snijeg & An Introduction

(Volim snijeg = I love snow)

So this is a little preemptive because, while it did in fact snow, at least in Fojnica, over the weekend, it has already melted and rain has returned. I was like a kid on Christmas morning when I saw the (little) snow that had fallen the night before but by the time we went to town to get coffee, it had melted. Soon though. I am getting quite sick of the rain (and the cars splashing puddles on me on my walk to and from work). You can see though, that in the mountains the snow has accumulated and is heavier than the light, wet snow that falls on the village. Sarajevo is in a valley of mountains so while I can see the snow all around me high up, it has yet to fall on the ground. I'm sure this is a case of "be careful what you wish for" and by March or April I'll never want to see snow again, but for now I am anxiously awaiting a real, winter snowfall. I mean, after all, tomorrow is December 1st.

Which means that last week was Thanksgiving! I hope everyone had a wonderful feast. I didn't really celebrate here, but that's ok. I'll more than make up for it at Christmas. --Wait! I have to stop this mid-thought because the raindrops outside have turned to big, wet snowflakes as I'm typing! Oh wait, back to rain...damn. --Anyway, I can't believe time has gone by so fast. I leave for Boston in a week and a half. I'm excited to go home --back to snow!!-- it will be really great to see everyone and you know, understand what people are saying around me. I've even made a list of the food I want to eat when I'm there. But I think I'll be ready to come back to Bosnia when my time is up. I'm starting to get the hang of things here and while there is still a struggle now and then, I am getting happier and happier here. I think that has to do with someone that I have yet to mention here on the blog. It's someone that is very important to me and while he's a new addition to my life we have grown very close very fast. I don't want to say that we're in love, but it's definitely going in that direction. He just really makes me feel at home here and, well, why keep blabbering on when I can finally introduce you to .... Harry!

My beautiful, new/old washing machine. I mean, I had to pay for Harry, he wasn't a gift, but see how well he fits in my bathroom? And guess what? He works! It's a miracle. Actually a Thanksgiving miracle because he arrived last Thursday. I proceeded to do all of my laundry that night and then found I was in a pickle because none of my clothes had dried in time. Ha. But I'm very happy with him. Actually, I am happy because after a weekend of being a little down, last week I took some proactive actions and finally got the washing machine and went to see the internet people. I mean, I don't know if anything is going to get done about the internet but I talked to people and made an agreement so here's hoping that something gets done. They'll probably call when I'm in the U.S.

Well, back to work. The rain has officially turned to snow, so we'll see if it stays that way.

Moj Stan (My Apartment)

So here are the pictures of my apartment! I got motivated and cleaned last night as well as remembered to take pictures. As you can see, it's pretty nice and really, it's too big for me, but it works fine. I've gotten used to it and it's home. Of course there are always little things and I have yet to really need the heat so we'll see, but it's my place. Also I've been reading my friends' blogs in the Peace Corps and I just feel too damn guilty to post my complaints. Also I think the pictures make it look better than it is, so we'll just go with that! But really, I'm content. However, I would say you might want to scroll down to the bottom of the post and work your way up since the pictures loaded in reverse. Now I just need internet...

View of my front door from the other side of the hallway/living room.

Ze bathroom! It's one of those where no matter how much you clean it it still looks dirty, so at least I have the comfort of knowing that it's clean (and smells like cleaning chemicals). The broken washing machine is behind the door. Hopefully someone will come to fix it soon.

View of my closet/door to the living room from my bedroom doorway.

My bedroom. On the walls are these needlepoint tapestries I guess you would call them, that are all around the apartment. Also next to the window is a door to my balcony where in warmer weather I hang my clothes to dry.

The other side of the living room/hallway.

My entertainment center. That bad boy bunny-ears gets me four channels. Also there is a decorated rakija bottle right next to a copy of the Qur'an, didn't plan it that way. And a few of my pictures. I have more, I just need to find some frames. Also, please don't forget that this room was covered in creepy dolls and stuffed animals that I have safely stuffed into drawers that I hopefully won't find until I move out.

The plants that I am systematically killing. I don't mean to, I just don't remember to take care of them. I think that subconsciously it's my little revenge against the landlady, like see you can overcharge me and not have a working washing machine, but I'm gonna kill your plants. Also, some of them are fake, it's hard to remember which one but the little one, second from the left is definitely real and definitely dead.

My living room!

View of the kitchen from the awkward futon. You can see at the end there my oven. The door doesn't stay shut but it has been working fine. Although I don't believe that it can actually change temperature, I think it just gets hot. In the foreground is a gas stove that I use more than the electric hot-plates on the oven. Also I heat my water on the stove to wash my dishes because my water doesn't really get hot in the kitchen.

View of the kitchen from the doorway. Those are clean dishes, mind you. Also, I had some carpeting in the kitchen for a while, it was actually really stupid and I had to vacuum every time I cooked, so I rolled it up and tucked it under the futon. Why there's a futon, I have no idea.

So this is the view of my apartment from when you walk in the door. Down the hallway, bright Communist red carpeting. My kitchen is to your immediate left, as you walk in the next room you'll be in the living room and if you follow it to the end it's the bathroom with my bedroom to the left.

Some Ponderings

So I've tried multiple times to upload the video of the Dave Holland Quintet and I think the file is just too large or something. If I were more computer savvy I'd be able to shrink the file or something cool like that and then upload it, but I'm not. So maybe I'll see what I can do when I'm back in the States for a bit.

Also, I am aware that there have been requests and empty promises made to post pictures of my apartment. I will get on it soon, I swear! First I need to clean my apartment, which isn't really that messy but I still find other activities to occupy my time instead of cleaning up. The apartment has been working out well. Although it's farther away than let's say other people's apartments in my language class, I've really become accustomed to my daily walk and actually enjoy it very much. And it's really not that far. The only two things I want/would change would be to get internet (one of these days!!!) and fix the washing machine so it works. Both very doable but since it's Bosnia, both will take a while to happen.

I had a good weekend in Sarajevo, got out and met some people which was a lot of fun. Also, the weather has been quite cooperative and that makes it all the more enjoyable! My class is coming to an end this week so I need to look for another one to keep going. I've also thought about private lessons and although they are more expensive I think I would benefit from the one on one time (also it was suggested to me by Caleb who is impressively fluent in Bosnian). So I'll have to check my budget and see what I can afford.

I've been thinking a lot about being in Bosnia. My thoughts and perceptions of Bosnia have changed even from the past experiences I've had here. I don't know if I like it, or if I want it to change because Bosnia has been such an incredibly special place for me, but I think it's only right that as I learn and live here Bosnia will become a different place for me. I get worried because my hope for Bosnia has wavered or maybe just my role in that has faltered. I feel like I wanted so much for Bosnia but a lot of Bosnians don't want it to change and who am I to come in and tell them what they should want? I learn the most through talking to different people but the contradictions in their own arguments frustrate me. I hear people my age "selling" me Bosnia, trying to convince me of how amazing and unique it is here (and frankly, they are wasting their time because I already know it, it's why I'm here!), how the people have souls and don't care about materials and money and then two minutes later the same people are telling me how they want the newest, coolest thing from the US. This, of course, is just a snapshot and not an entire experience, but it's part of it. It's the same in the nationality divisions, some people will tell you that they have no problem with another group, until they do. I'm not sure, maybe it's because I've never examined my own country like this before. I've never had this outsider perspective when thinking about the US and my own opinions about my country but I just feel that...jeez I don't really know what I feel.

Hmm, well those are just some of my current thoughts and updates. I'll try to get some more pictures up soon.

A Beautiful Fall Weekend

I hope everyone had a happy Halloween! I had a wonderful fall weekend in Fojnica. The weather warmed up and the trees stayed orange/red at least for the first part of the weekend and then the wind got stronger and by Sunday it was a lot browner. Luckily I got to take advantage of the weather and was outside a lot. I climbed up to part of a mountain and looked across at the rest of the rolling hills/mountains and could even see snow at the top of the higher peaks (although I didn't include the pictures because they were a little hazy). I also cleaned up some leaves (complete with leaf fight, of course), climbed up a different side of a different mountain (and had to scoot down on my butt because the path was so steep and the leaves and ground were slippery), and even finished out the weekend playing with kittens and puppies. I'd say that makes for a perfect weekend. I tried to carve pumpkins on Sunday in honor of Halloween but unfortunately there were no pumpkins to be had, but even without that activity it still made for a great few days.

Things have been going well here. Well up and down. This week is the Sarajevo Jazz Fest and unfortunately ticket prices don't make it available for an unpaid intern to go to a lot of the shows but I did manage to buy a ticket to the Dave Holland Quintet show on Thursday (on recommendation from Lonesome Bob) and have two people coming with me, so I am looking forward to that! My language classes are going well and this weekend I got some practice in, mostly I need to work on my confidence because I know that vocabulary will take time but I need to get over the intimidation-factor and just go for it. Slowly, slowly. I will, however, have to miss my class on Thursday for the show but it's all about priorities, right?

I decided that I am going home for Christmas, er, Christmastime. I have to say that I wrestled with it for a few reasons, one being that it is really expensive and another because I kind of feel like I'm cheating by going home. Cheating from what? I don't know but it makes me feel like I'm back in college if I return home after a "semester" but ultimately I am so excited to be going back to be with my friends and family. Actually I get to do a little tour and hit all of my main places: Boston for the first weekend, Chicago for 5 days and then most of the time back in Waterville. I decided though, that I want to be back in Bosnia for New Years. So I am looking forward to that as well. A good trip and a good return.

Work is going slowly. I think I can be a little disappointed in how it's worked out so far but I've only been here two months, we'll see what happens. I am keeping my eyes and ears open to other opportunities and will see what goes on. Maybe this will pick up to a steady work pace, maybe I'll find something else.

I can't believe that it's already November! Where did the time go? Although at the same time September feels like a long time ago. I had big plans when I got here to have a Thanksgiving dinner and I thought I'd be settled by the end of November but it seems that I'm still getting my bearings although I've come a long way. We'll see. You know, even though things are sometimes tough and emotionally frustrating, I am so happy to be here. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am in Bosnia, that I get to be here. I think it will be good to come home and interesting to see how I feel about Bosnia when I come back.

If It's Rainy and Gray, Have Ila Come Brighten Up Your Day!

Ha, I had some time this morning on my walk to work to think of that one. I'm impressed, I don't know how you all feel...ha. But really, this weekend was great, I really needed it. Ila came in on Thursday afternoon and although the weather this weekend has been consistent with the past few weeks, cold and rainy, we went for a walk through Sarajevo, umbrellas in hand, and talked and talked. She was in such good spirits and ready to go right off of the plane. Unfortunately there's not a whole not to do in Sarajevo and even less when your tour guide can't communicate with anyone for you, but I had a good time showing her my routine and my favorite spots (actually, I realized yesterday, her last day, that I never took her to my favorite place in Sarajevo which is a tree-shaded walk next to the river that I walk on my way to the Pidros but it hasn't been too pretty lately with the gray weather). That night we planned to go out and explore the Sarajevo night life but when we went back to my apartment to get ready we ended up just staying in and talking the whole night. Poor Ila, I definitely took advantage of her company and babbled away, but it was so great to have such a good friend here to discuss everything I've been seeing and feeling, and also to show her my new life! We spent Friday walking around Sarajevo more, my moment of pride was when I could take her, a History major, to the spot where Franz Ferdinand was shot and WWI started. That night we went to Fojnica and spent Saturday and Sunday there. I got to take her to my old stomping grounds and introduce her to everyone there. Also on Saturday we went for a nice walk around Fojnica and went up to the monastery to check out the museum and the work I had done a few years ago in the library. It was great to show her something that was so important to me but it was hard for me to see that things had changed. I mean, I guess that's selfish because they have changed for the better and it is really impressive what they had done, but it wasn't the warm familiar place that it had been for me the other summers and there weren't the same monks and it felt like a strange place. I think that is how I am feeling about Fojnica in general. I am so used to having to be this special place for me, this place that I get to experience for a month and a half in the summer and I know that I feel great there but now it's part of my everyday life and it's no longer a vacation. I mentioned earlier when I went for the wedding that it was strange for me that things had changed there even though the buildings look great, I felt detached from the Fojnica that I knew. Anyway, we spent the next two days in Fojnica, getting coffee and doing my normal Fojnica weekend activities.

I felt that the weekend was very representational of my life right now and we talked about how it was good timing for both of us: a nice break in her travels, a time to relax and take off a bit of the pressure of traveling, and it was a good time for me after living here for a month and a half to have someone from home to share it with and listen to all of my thoughts and experiences. It was a really good time, and as you can see, I took advantage of her company to take some pictures in Sarajevo and Fojnica. It was also great because Ila was so easy going and was happy to anything and everything, so it took the pressure off of hosting and just allowed us to enjoy our time together and soak up every minute! We did talk about at the end how it's strange because we've become used to saying good-bye to each other at the end of the school year or the summer and we know that we'll see each other again, so when we did that in August it was normal and we knew that Ila had a trip planned to Europe so it wasn't so definite, but now we are growing up and that means that we are going in two different directions and who knows when we'll see each other again! Luckily we are both good and keeping in touch and we'll make an effort even if it ends up being a year or more.

It's a shame that it's been raining on and off for the past couple weeks because the leaves are really gorgeous. We saw that when we were in Fojnica, and the mist over the mountains as well, but it was hard to capture in pictures. Fall here seems to be like spring in Boston, cold and wet, but nevertheless I am enjoying the beauty of it all. Pretty soon it will be so cold and in the middle of winter so I'll take what I can get now, although I am excited for snow too. I turned on my heat in my apartment last night, although I guess I'm confused if I should keep it on all the time or just when I'm home. I'm so used to thermostats, but I have a very, ahem, interesting space heater in my bedroom, so that's been doing a good job of keeping me warm even if it has an orange glow that makes the room look like it's on fire.

I finally signed up for Bosnian classes! It only took, how long? It's with a different school than I was originally signed up with but I'm really looking forward to it. The first class was actually last Thursday so I missed it, but I'll go tonight and it shouldn't be too big of a deal. It's not quite as long, only a month or so, but it will be good to learn something and I believe that this institute, a school connected with the Soros Foundation, has other options after I finish this course. I'm a little nervous to start late, those of you who know me from school know I hate missing class, but the person who registered me assured me it was no big deal to miss the first class.

Work has been going well. I was supposed to have yesterday off because it was Ila's last day but then one of my bosses asked me to come in because there was a meeting and then asked me to come in even earlier because there was another meeting, so it was a little frustrating that the day that I was responsible for getting Ila to the airport was the busiest day of work so far, but it was actually very interesting and everything worked out well. I believe I will be spending most of my time looking for grants to make our projects actually happen, but I feel like I am getting a better grip on what we are doing and our goals. The meeting in the afternoon was a talk with students from American University in DC who were here with a conflict resolution program, it seemed like a similar program to what I did last fall but they were just focusing on the former Yugoslavia and were only traveling for three weeks. Some of them were pretty impressive (although I couldn't help but agree when Caleb pointed out that they looked like a young republican group with all of their blazers, etc. ha), but the part that cracked me up was when one of the girls was talking with another girl at the end as they were leaving and she was complaining that she was missing her favorite rapper back in the States. Different priorities I guess...haha. Now we are practicing for a presentation that we are to give to a representative to of the European Commission on Friday. I will be speaking so I've been practicing my bit and hopefully today at the run-through everything will go well!

Updates, updates!

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted but not much has changed in my day to day life, so there wasn't an urgent need to share a story. Things have been good though. I'm still getting adjusted to live here and still struggling with my inability to communicate, but I am getting the hang of my daily routine and am thoroughly enjoying living in Bosnia.

I had signed up for language classes from a school that was recommended to me by the other American intern at Gariwo, Caleb, and they were supposed to begin last week but unfortunately some of the people dropped out so there weren't enough people for the class so it was canceled. Currently I'm looking into possibly taking private lessons or there is another group that might start soon so I am waiting to hear more about that. The place has been so helpful and it totally has not been their fault but I am frustrated that I am still unable to say the simplest of things.

Although that hasn't kept me from doing things. I still go grocery shopping and to the bakery (and simply point and say "molim?" which means please so show which bread I'd like) and have even paid my bills by myself. Ha, it's the little victories...

In one way I remind myself that it's only been a month and other times I'm embarrassed that I've been here a month and still can't communicate. But I think that's just how I've been feeling about living here in general. Sometimes I am so so happy and could just walk for hours and hours through Sarajevo and just soak it all in and other times, I am frustrated with myself and my situation. It's all part of the process and it's the beginning so I knew that this would be the toughest.

Sunday was the election and so now I'm spending time trying to figure out what the results mean and what's in store for Bosnia. There was a lot of propaganda before the elections but it was lost on my (again, have no idea what is being said) but the system is also complicated so it takes a bit more research for me to understand what the results entail. Both the Croatian and Bosniak elected president are more moderate but the Serbian is part of the party that has talked about seceding from BiH, so of course that just continues the difficulty of the three presidents working together. Also, Caleb was explaining to me yesterday that the moderate Croat elected president is not necessarily supported by Bosnian Croatians, but rather was elected by Bosniak votes which upsets some Croatians because they feel he's not a representation of them. Phew! Ha, I'm sure as I learn more it will become more confusing because nothing is as it seems.

I can't predict how the fall is going to be here. So far it's been cold and rainy and the next day is sunny and pleasant. Basically, I'm back in Boston. Of course it rained today because I did my laundry and it's hanging on my balcony to dry, so I'm hoping the sun comes out later today. This past weekend was really nice, I spent it in Fojnica, and I'm hoping that the weather will shape up at least by next weekend.

In two weeks Ila, a friend from Boston, will come visit me for the weekend. She's taking a European tour to see some friends and it will be so nice to have her here for a bit! I told her I'll do an Ila Visit post, so maybe I'll take advantage of her company and take some more pictures while she's here and put them up! I still haven't really shared what Sarajevo looks like, just my view from my walk to work.

Speaking of work, it's been going well. I don't have too much to do but I have written some articles for the website (the Bosnian one, and one of my coworkers translates it for me) and I've gotten some really nice feedback so that's good. Hopefully once the fall begins I'll have a bit more to do on the day to day basis but in the meantime I'm taking advantage of this time to do research and just get a better feel and understanding for Bosnia's current position. Although, a lot of that, I am learning just from talking to people (hence why communication would be so great!). The catch is that everyone has a different opinion, which makes for an interesting collection of thoughts but is hard to get the actual facts, but maybe that's the point. My optimism is wavering a bit, especially when I talk to people and they accept the status quo and think I'm a naive American for thinking that things can change. I'm learning that I have to find my own position here and I completely respect that I am an outsider and will always be a foreigner and will never be able to understand certain aspects, but it's hard to communicate that to people and at the same time explain that I believe that things can change in Bosnia and that it's up to the people of my generation to change it. It's also hard because some people joke with me and say, oh thank you for coming to my country to help, teasing me and also acknowledging the immense number of organizations that are here with international aid or other NGOs, but I want to say, I'm not here to pity or sympathize, I really just love it here and am happy when I'm here! It's because of me that I moved here.

Ha, so I guess although I am still struggling to verbally communicate with people in Bosnian (or Croatian or Serbian...) I am having an interesting inner dialogue the whole time.

A Sunny Walk To Work

(I've found out that you can click on the pictures for an enlarged view of it, might be better for some of them especially the ones from the previous post of Prokosko Lake.)

Here are some pictures from my walk to work this morning. It was really sunny which actually made some of the light less than desirable for taking some snapshots. These aren't necessary the prettiest pictures of Sarajevo but rather my typical walk from my apartment to Gariwo. Last night I was walking around Baščaršija (I have to copy/paste that word since I haven't learned where to find the accents on my computer), the old Ottoman part of town, close to sunset and it was just gorgeous. I will definitely need to take tons of pictures of all of the old buildings and streets (there are Ottoman and Austro-Hungarian buildings, it's wonderful to actually see the history of the city) but I didn't have my camera and I think I got enough tourist attention for one day! These pictures are an attempt to show what I see on my daily walk. It's hard because I'm attracted to the old, sometimes run-down/bombed out buildings and I need to remember to portray a fair representation. So in this mind, I tried to take some pictures to show the new, modern buildings in contrast to the other older ones. Also, the Holiday Inn is a good city landmark (the yellow building) so I wanted to show it in perspective to work. Unfortunately some of the pictures won't rotate so I'll have to play around with this blog to get that fixed. Also, excuse the less than perfect picture composition. I didn't want to linger taking each picture...

(Also sorry about the weird formatting, it looked different before I published it, ha)