Some Ponderings

So I've tried multiple times to upload the video of the Dave Holland Quintet and I think the file is just too large or something. If I were more computer savvy I'd be able to shrink the file or something cool like that and then upload it, but I'm not. So maybe I'll see what I can do when I'm back in the States for a bit.

Also, I am aware that there have been requests and empty promises made to post pictures of my apartment. I will get on it soon, I swear! First I need to clean my apartment, which isn't really that messy but I still find other activities to occupy my time instead of cleaning up. The apartment has been working out well. Although it's farther away than let's say other people's apartments in my language class, I've really become accustomed to my daily walk and actually enjoy it very much. And it's really not that far. The only two things I want/would change would be to get internet (one of these days!!!) and fix the washing machine so it works. Both very doable but since it's Bosnia, both will take a while to happen.

I had a good weekend in Sarajevo, got out and met some people which was a lot of fun. Also, the weather has been quite cooperative and that makes it all the more enjoyable! My class is coming to an end this week so I need to look for another one to keep going. I've also thought about private lessons and although they are more expensive I think I would benefit from the one on one time (also it was suggested to me by Caleb who is impressively fluent in Bosnian). So I'll have to check my budget and see what I can afford.

I've been thinking a lot about being in Bosnia. My thoughts and perceptions of Bosnia have changed even from the past experiences I've had here. I don't know if I like it, or if I want it to change because Bosnia has been such an incredibly special place for me, but I think it's only right that as I learn and live here Bosnia will become a different place for me. I get worried because my hope for Bosnia has wavered or maybe just my role in that has faltered. I feel like I wanted so much for Bosnia but a lot of Bosnians don't want it to change and who am I to come in and tell them what they should want? I learn the most through talking to different people but the contradictions in their own arguments frustrate me. I hear people my age "selling" me Bosnia, trying to convince me of how amazing and unique it is here (and frankly, they are wasting their time because I already know it, it's why I'm here!), how the people have souls and don't care about materials and money and then two minutes later the same people are telling me how they want the newest, coolest thing from the US. This, of course, is just a snapshot and not an entire experience, but it's part of it. It's the same in the nationality divisions, some people will tell you that they have no problem with another group, until they do. I'm not sure, maybe it's because I've never examined my own country like this before. I've never had this outsider perspective when thinking about the US and my own opinions about my country but I just feel that...jeez I don't really know what I feel.

Hmm, well those are just some of my current thoughts and updates. I'll try to get some more pictures up soon.